Dan + Shay

If you like country music and don't know these guys - you will!  I love them!!  I got to go to a meet and greet and their concert in Seattle last week.   (They will be here in Boise on the 25th - get your tickets!)  I had already purchased the tickets before I left Seattle and I was not going to miss them.  I love meet and greets and any opportunity to meet celebrities.  Musicians especially because I LOVE live music.  It's probably where most of my money goes because I am always down for a good concert.  Here are some pics and a video!  

 Dan, Me and Shay

 Dan, Kate, Shay and Me

 Kate and I getting photo bombed by one of Dan and Shay's tour mates :)

 Singing their hearts out - we were so close I actually felt awkward :)

Nothin' Like You - one of my fav songs - it's what they are singing above

I Got a Job!!

My old company is awesome because they are national and even though they don't have a location here in Boise, I was offered a position on another team where I can work remotely!  I will never be late to work again! :)  I start Friday and this is such an answer to prayers because I am trying to pay off debt (one reason I am living with my parents) and two the job market here in Boise is very different and I was going to take a huge pay cut to work here in another position.  (And since my goal is to pay off debt that was going to add on extra time that I would prefer to avoid.)  I am pretty sure I will be going to school starting in January.  I really do want to be a nurse and despite the back and forth on not wanting to give up a couple more years of my life to school I think this is the best choice for me.

I have a great workout set up in my garage so if anyone is doing any fitness challenges I would love to join in!  I have yet to use it, but will be later today!  (To be fair I set it up then went back to Seattle for a few days for a concert.)  I am so thankful to be back here in Boise and to have the chance to be here with my family.  As crazy as it sounds I am actually enjoying living here, which I did not think would be the case!  I knew coming back here was the right decision, but I didn't realize how quickly I would adjust and find so much joy and happiness.  I am so grateful for that!

I'm Back!!!

Oh this title means so many things!!!  I am back to blogging number 1!  And, I'm back in Boise!  Yay!  I'm also back to a routine (somewhat), and all settled in here at home.  That's right!  Back at the ol' parents pad!  :)  So thankful for this though because I can pay off some debt and start things off right here in Idaho.  However, I do still need a job, so I haven't paid off much debt yet! :)  I am just trusting God to help work things out and to humble me if I do have to ask for some (hopefully VERY short term) help from my parents.  Meanwhile,  my tanning biz is all set up here, so if anyone needs a tan I am running a special for $20!!!  Let me know if you are interested.

I am hoping to go back to school in January for nursing.  Not 100% sure on that yet, but we will see! :)  I actually have a few more things to blog about so I will be updating again soon!  And if anyone wants to hang out let me know.  I am so excited to be back here!

This is us caravaning back home!  I'm in the front my dad is in the Budget truck and my mom is driving their car and taking pictures. :) Love my family and so grateful for their help in getting me back to Idaho safely!!  Seattle friends I miss and love you all, and will be visiting soon!!! XOXO 

I Ate My Feelings Today

Disclaimer: I have been off my depression meds for a week (couldn't afford a refill on the prescription).  I am back on them as of today, but this all may sound a little worse b/c of that fact.

Today was a bad day.  Just one day after "beginning" my weight loss journey I fell back into the same pitfalls that got me to the weight I am today.   And in the interest of putting it all out there here was my day.  Let me set the scene first.

Last week at work we got in trouble for our numbers and had a review.  If you think about it the week that we were getting in trouble for was the week of the 4th of July.  I was out to days b/c I was sick and then we had a day and a half off for the holiday.  I still managed to get 4 client meetings and a couple job orders.  My coworkers were also out a few days due to vacation and illness.  We all got a nice talking to about how much we suck at our jobs.  This is why I struggle with this job.  If you take a vacation you are still expected to be amazing and not let it affect your numbers.  What is the point of a vacation if I have to work the whole time?  That is not a vacation.  I come in today after learning on Friday we have to have a meeting today to talk about our activity.  I am dreading this.  Then our boss doesn't even show up.  Which should be a blessing, but the lecture is still coming.  Apparently, my frustration has shown through as one of my coworkers asks me what is wrong.

Let's rewind a bit more.  I found out last week my grandpa has pneumonia after having heart surgery.  I rarely talk about my grandpa b/c I don't have much of a relationship with him.  I have tried but it's not easy. They still live in Wisconsin so visiting him is a bit of a trek. He likes to ask questions then interrupt you during the answer.  He married a not so nice person and last time we visited we were not well received.  There were a lot of questions of why we were there, and I'm thinking, well it is your birthday so we thought we'd come celebrate but if you don't want us to be here we can go.  At his party he thanked his wife's side of the family for coming but not any of us.  Oh I just flew 2000 miles to be here, but they drove 45 minutes so yay to them for being there for you.  I promised myself I wouldn't go back b/c it really hurt my feelings to try to do something nice and basically be shit on.  My parents and I were going to go to Hawaii this year for Christmas.  Now, my mom is like well we should go to Wisconsin instead to see your grandpa b/c he is not doing well.  Not to sound like a selfish bitch, but excuse me?  Now I have to give up my vacation and spend it in the tundra (Wisconsin) in December with someone who will probably thank everyone but me for being there?  No thanks.  I don't have any desire to get hurt like that again.  Do I want my grandpa to be sick?  Of course not.  But I also want to be from a family where your grandparents love you and enjoy spending time with you...

And my last frustration is many things jumbled into one.  I really hurt my knee when I fell last week and again on Saturday.  It hurts to move it and I woke up with the worst pain in it last night, and was up for an hour trying to fall back asleep!  However, it's summer and I want to enjoy it.  Where are all my friends who love adventure and trying new things?  I would love to spend a weekend in Silverwood and go to the amusement park there.  No one thinks that sounds like fun!  I want to go swimming at one of the lakes nearby - again struggling to find people who think that sounds fun.  I cried the whole way home from work telling my dad about all the things I am upset about.  There are more that I can't quite put out there right now including my weight - which you all know about, but mostly I was just emotional.  I know I sound like such a debbie downer, but a lot of things piled on to me today and I came home and did the worst thing I could.  I ate.

I had a bag of cheetos and a bag of doritos.  Not a full size bag but still - the ones you get at the gas station.  I know I'm an emotional eater and I hate that.  I am writing all this down because I don't want to hide it anymore.  I want people to know so that I can start to heal and make positive choices.  I want to be on a healthy journey but I don't want to let a little setback deter my end goal.  Tomorrow I will be purchasing some healthy food items to start my days off right.  (I had to wait until I got paid!)  I will be posting those tomorrow, so there is only one day of bitching.  I am promising to be 100 % honest on this journey so I needed to get this all out so you (and I) know where I am starting at.

My Weight Loss Journey

I have talked a little bit about my weight loss/gain struggles a bit, but since this blog has been getting rejected and I need to hold myself accountable, I am dedicating this blog to that process.  I have been doing p90x on and off for the past couple years.  I have a thyroid disorder (hypothyroidism).  This causes my body to hang on to weight.  It loves fat!  :) The problem is I hate it.  However, more than anything I need to be healthy.  I am 30 years old and when I graduated from college I was a size 6.  I want to get back there!  I have gone up 12 sizes since then.  (Putting it all out there - since sizes go by 2, can I say I've just gone up 6 sizes? Haha)   I have had no kids yet, so I have nothing but myself to blame it on.  I struggle with depression and this weight struggle cannot be helping!

My struggles that are not due to nature.  I like to eat bad food. My vices are salty foods.  I like chips and dip.  I don't crave sugar as much (although I do love fro-yo).  I don't love veggies.  I like spinach, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, corn, onions, avocado and tomatoes (which I think are technically a fruit).  I love fruit.  I eat chicken, hamburger, and turkey for meat, as I don't like a lot of meats either.  I am going to start eating smoothies in the morning and making sure I get lots of greens in there to up my veggie intake.

My goal is to work out at least 4-5 times a week for at least 30 minutes until I start p90x again in September with some friends.  (Then it's 6 days a week!)  I am seeing a specialist for my thyroid in August to make sure my body is all ready to help me in my health goals!  So, here is to good health.  Feel free to share any tips that have worked for you!  I am open to anything and excited to share my journey with you!

Yay!

Endless Glow Tan Tech of the week!!!!  Check it out, and book an appointment at jessicahintz.schedulething.com. 

Hey You!!!

Are you bored?  Looking to earn extra money?  Wondering how to spend your time during these summer months (or all year)?  Become an endless glow tan tech!!!  It's quick and easy to get certified and you will be making money in no time!!  Bonus points if you live in Seattle - there is hardly any competition here!  Except the dreaded tanning salons and their booths!  However, if you live anywhere and are interested in joining me and my team let me know!  Endless Glow is the best sunless tanning products on the market.  I use them myself and love the constant glow they give me.  They are a safe alternative to tanning, and it's customized for each individual.  I honestly love being a part of this company and making people look and feel beautiful.  I would love to have you on my team.  Message me for more information!

You're Gonna What??!!!

So, as you can see in my previous posts, I am not 100% sold on the job I am doing. Part of me has complained I don't want to work at all. I have searched and gone back to school and tried to figure out what I want to do with my life. As I've gotten older, I have a clearer picture of what I want to do. It's honestly what I thought I wanted to do when I went to school the first time, but I got scared. I want to be a nurse. I want to be able to work here in the US or have opportunities to serve overseas. I want to be able to give back and feel like I am helping people. And, I love medical stuff. I watch those True stories of Life in the ER marathons and get sad when it starts over again. I (finally) think I figured out what I want to do! So, the next step... back to school I go! I have a lot of little things to figure out in the meantime, so any prayers would be appreciated. I still may change my mind as I am trying to trust God to show me if this is the right step, but I think as things fall into place, this will become apparent. Oh man, do I really want to do school again? I promised myself I wouldn't have to go back! :) I think I will enjoy this though, so it won't be like accounting classes that make me want to poke my eye out! Here's to the next step and figuring it all out! :) Wish me luck!

Endless Glow Tan by me - Up and Running

First and foremost thank you to all of you who have booked a tan with me! I love making people feel beautiful and a healthy glow makes everyone's day better! :) I am currently still running my $20 special, so book now to be ready for summer! I look forward to making you look an feel beautiful! Second - this starting a new business is a little tough, but luckily I have great mentors helping me along the way. I think a big problem here in Seattle is people are not wearing less clothing yet. Currently, I am sitting in my grey uggs and leggings with my heater on. :) No one wants to tan if they are not going to get to show it off. I do have a couple appointments next week for pre-vacation. And then one the following week. I knew this would be tough but I think having a full time job limits the time I can put into this. But I love it! :) I am going to throw a party in a few weeks b/c I think as June approaches people will want to tan (even though we don't get consistent sun here until July)! Just a quick update on the biz!

Endless Glow Tanning by Me!

It's official!  I am a certified spray tan tech!  Tell one tell all (who live in the Seattle area).  I cannot tell you how excited I am about this.  I loved doing the tans today and watching my friend's reactions to seeing how they looked after.  (And getting the texts later that say - my boyfriend was like "Damn girl!  You look hot!  Like you just got back from Mexico!) Here are some pics and leave a comment if you are interested in getting tan!  :)  I am running a special right now so contact me for more info!

Life is Hard

I watch way too much TV.  That is a given.  I think a lot of it has to do with being an only child growing up with a single mom.  I've always had friends and I grew up playing with kids and having lots of friends.  However, when I had to be alone, TV was the one to keep me company.  (Side note - I always just thought I was part of the Full House clan - it's probably why I still LOVE the Olsen twins to this day.)  Anyways, the point is I am not being critical of how much TV I watch, but that I watch it and really seek to understand these people as if they are my friends.  I think it is why I love reality TV.

I started watching Teen Mom years ago, when it started.  They just did an update special on all the girls.  And, it was hard to watch.  I wanted so badly to see change in these girls.  I wanted them to grow and be stronger than the people I watched when the show went off the air.  But it was the same old shit.  Farrah is still fighting with her mom and dad.  But, then is extremely codependent as she invites them to be a huge part of her life only to fight with them more.  Caitlynn and Tyler are still not married, but are living together and still dating.  Amber has made the most change, but it took a year and a half in prison to do so, and only time will tell if she can stay off drugs and be a good mom to her daughter.

My point is to not judge these girls at all.  What it made me think is, what if my life was on TV?  Would people see a different person from who I was 5 years ago?  Or would I just be an older shell of myself?  Change is great in theory and in the form of a resolution.  But is it really possible?  Yes.  I believe it is, but that does not take away the fact that it is hard.   Very hard.  And, this show made me realize it.  I am just as disappointed in myself for not being able to make changes in my life overnight, but why?  It's not that easy.  Does that mean you stop trying?  Of course not.  I need to keep going and keep working on bettering myself, but still love and forgive myself when it doesn't happen overnight.  I read on instagram a post similar to this:

The changes I want to make in myself are not just physical.  I struggle to see the good in myself in general.  I know I'm funny.  Some days I think I look pretty, but I just want to believe I am an amazing human being and people like me and want to know because of who I am, not because of how I look.  For a lot of years, I was skinny and pretty (blonde/big boobs).  I lived that persona.  Mostly, with guys.  I harbored a lot of self worth in looking good.  And, I think that is where some of my weight gain came from.  I was tired of being thought of as a piece of meat.  Although, I know I could just simply stop showing off my cleavage, and stop dressing to show off my curves, it was more than that.  It was almost a rebellion to this lifestyle I have lived where I am used to being checked out by guys.  I am learning that I need to deal with those issues and that desire to get away from that, is keeping me from truly being happy and wanting to be healthy.  I want to love myself.  I want to be healthy.  I want to be happy.  And I'm working on figuring out how...

Update

First and foremost - thank you to everyone who reached out to me about my last post.  I am so blessed to have such amazing people around me, and I am so grateful for you all!  Anna - your blog inspires me often.  I love that you are real and I thank you for showing me it's okay to speak your truth even when it's not pretty.  Rachel - thanks for your message and I know you can relate.  Having people who understand where you are coming from makes me feel less alone.  And, you are my hope that online dating is not in vain! :) Natalie - thank you for always being there for me - even when you have a lot going on in your world as well!  You are a great friend, and I thank you for being you! :)  Annie - I have never felt so lucky to call someone my friend as I do with you!  You say you feel like you are not always kind, but I have never met anyone who is able to be so nice and see the best in everyone around them.  For a girl who decides whether or not I like someone quickly, this is a trait I admire and envy.  Thank you for being my friend through all these years - I am so lucky to have you!  (Sidenote - super excited about Lady A next month!)

I am doing much better, and have done a lot of soul searching this week.  I am reading a new book about Ruth (from the bible - if you don't know her story - check it out, she's pretty amazing).  This book talks about all the suffering that happened in her life and her mother's life, and it fits in with what I am dealing with (actually, it puts things in perspective as well - this women was barren and then her husband died, leaving her basically alone in a patriarchal society - so far that's not my life! :)  I also learned how important it is to share.  When I spoke to a couple coworkers and they said they understood it was a weight lifted off my shoulders.  Then messages poured in again saying - you aren't alone!  Sometimes, that's all it takes to remember - wait I'm not alone!  I also started to think of ways I can get out of the house, make some new friends, and in general just keep myself around people instead of bottled up inside!

The best part is that I talked to my mom about this.  I try to hide a lot of the "bad stuff" from my mom.  I don't know why I do that, but I think it is from habit.  I didn't do that this time and I am glad I got to talk to her.  I am so grateful for my mother.  I did not appreciate her as I should have during my teenage years, but I am so glad we are close now.  Plus, she's a blast - so chatting with her almost always makes things better! :)
All this to say - thank you!  My family, my friend's, fellow bloggers, you all rock and I am so thankful for you!

Let's Get Real

I had a tough weekend.  I spent way too much time alone, and it lead me into a depression.  Was that the only thing that caused it?  Of course not.  I didn't feel good, we set some crazy goals at work that overwhelmed me and thing upon thing buried me until I was deep in the hole of depression.  I thought about ending it all.  But I can't do that to myself or those around me.  Depression is a deep, dark emotion that truly scares me.  When it grabs hold of me, I can't do anything except let it take me over and then I am with it in this deep, dark cave.

I used to hide all this.  I would just go to my room and cry, maybe even up my dosage on my meds.  But, now I try to face it.  I didn't call my mom all day, but she finally called me at 9:30 and I told her all about it.  Some of the things I'm facing are real, and I could change, but some are circumstantial and are not things I am in control of.  Work is a big thing for me.  I hate admitting this, but I don't like working.  I don't dislike my job (most days), but I hate getting up every day and going to work.  I hate the schedule, the fact that I "have" to do it b/c I have to pay bills and if I don't do it no one will.  It makes me feel very trapped and that is what I hate the most.

I went to bed after talking to my mom, and woke up today and chatted with some girls at work.  I thought for sure they would look at me like I'm crazy, but they could each relate to one thing that I was saying and the fact that I had all these issues all at once - they could tell why I was struggling.  It felt good to know I wasn't alone.

I realized how important it is to talk about my issues.  When I bottle it all up is when there is a problem.  But, when I share, suddenly, a world opens up around me of understanding people who are not against me, but are trying their best to make it through as well! :)  It also made me realize I'm not the only one struggling.  We all are sometimes, and so I need to be kind and loving to those around me b/c I never know what is going on in their life!!  So, thanks for listening and being on this journey with me.  I know I will have to fight this depression thing again, but as long as I stay open and honest, I know I will make it through!