What is it about seeing a picture of your ex that brings back all your insecurities? Does that happen to anyone else, or is this another reason I am in therapy? :) I can be so confident in myself, and know that I don't belong with this person and he was so wrong for me in so many ways, but I always go back to, "Why didn't he want me? What's wrong with me? Why am I still all by myself?" I know it is partly by choice, and it's not even about just being single. What is it about that one guy you thought you would be with forever, and seeing them reminds you that once again life is just not like you thought it would be.
Really, I am not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me. I'm just putting it out there. I am happy with so many things, I have to stop letting the little things get me down like this! I layed out in the sun today, got my hair cut, had a good workout and ran the whole day on my schedule. If I had a husband and family, I would have had to plan time to do all those things, instead of just doing them on a whim. And not that I would at all mind making the transition to that, it is just that right now, it's not where I am and I have to be content with that!
So, that's all for now... Hope I didn't bring anyone down who reads this. I'm running a 5k tomorrow. Hopefully, those endorphins will put life all back in perspective. That, and getting to hang out with one of my best friends ever! (She lives an hour away, so it's always great when I get to see her!) Yay for good friends... they keep me going when I'm feeling down. :)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Don't worry about him... he's fine!!!
This is one of my favorite stories...
During my sophomore year of college I came home for Christmas break, and on the first night of being home I had a horrible dream. I dreamt that someone was doing surgery on my stomach with a sharp knife and I was wide awake, but they couldn't hear me saying I could feel everything. I woke up terrified, and was like, oh good, that was just a dream. But as I layed in bed, I thought to myself... but the pain is REAL!! I couldn't move out of my bed and I was terrified I was dying! (I always go worst case scenario!)
I tried to yell out as loud as I could, "Mom!" but with my parent's door shut and the mass amounts of pain I was in I couldn't yell very loud and they couldn't hear me. I always have my cell next to my bed and lucky for me, that night was no different. I called my house phone but only heard it ringing in the kitchen. Dammit! They turned off the ringer in their bedroom. I called 4 times and on the 5th time, I decided if they didn't answer I would call 911 and the paramedics would wake them up!
My mom finally picked up the phone. It was 4 am, and she was like, "What's wrong?" I told her to come to my room, I was in pain. She kept saying, "Where are you? Why are you calling me?" I'm like, "In my room, get off the phone and come in here!!!" (Later, she explained in her sleepiness she assumed I had gone out and she thought she had to figure out where I was before she got off the phone. When she came in, I told her I couldn't yell loud due to the pain!)
Anyways, I told her something was wrong, and she tried to help me up to go to the hospital. I started to move and the pain got worse. I was like, "I can't move!" She told my dad to call the doctor. He went to the kitchen and was looking up the doctor's number, when we heard a crash.
My mom yells, "Steve? STEVE????" No response. She runs down the hall and sees my dad collapsed on the floor, blood rushing out of his head. Apparently, he had passed out and hit our french doors and bashed his head open. When he came to, he kept saying, "4612, 4612." My mom was like, "What?" Apparently, those were some of the doctor's number he had tried to dial.
Meanwhile, I can't see a thing down the hall, I'm leaning out of my bed, and saying, "Mom? Is he okay? What is going on?" My poor mom, overwhelmed, said, "Jessie, it's fine... stop yelling!" My mom got my dad a towel for his head, and decided it was time to call 911. Me she could maybe handle. My dad and I both down for the count was too much for her.
She called 911 and as always the firemen show up first. They saw my dad on the ground bleeding from the head and rushed towards him. My mom said, "Don't worry about him, he's fine!!" They gave her a look like, "Are you sure? That's a lot of blood!" My mom was like, "She's back here," and started down the hall. They were probably thinking, "What are we going to find back there if the guy bleeding is "okay"?" Haha.
They found me in my room and started to check my vitals. Me being the girl I am still noticed that one of these guys was pretty attractive. I remember talking to him about his sister going to the same school I was about to go to. I whispered to my mom when he left, "I don't have my glasses on, was he cute?" She was like, "What? You are supposed to be in pain, not trying to meet boys!" I was like, "You obviously don't know me very well! :)"
My dad and I both went to the hospital that night and were admitted to our separate rooms. He got bandaged up and I got to go through tests for kidney stones and ovarian cysts. I also got an IV from the moment I got there (as most do). At this time I was still new to my thyroid disorder and was not as used to needles as I am now. I freaked out. I started crying and begged them not to do an IV. But they had to, especially if I wanted any pain meds, which I did. They got the IV in and gave me some morphine. Life got a lot better after that! :)
I had a fun examination which I remember the doctor (a guy, and I had never had a guy doctor down there before) state before he began, "I'm touching you now." I still think that is weird, and maybe it was because he was an ER doc and not a gyno, so this was not common ground for him. :)
Anyways, the result was an ovarian cyst that ruptured. Since that time I have been on good ol' BC. I hope one day all will function well on it's own down there and I can successfully have babies. But for now, I have a good story, and my dad has a scar on his forehead to forever treasure the memory of this exciting night. :)
And if the cute fireman/paramedic who talked to me is still single and wants to live in Seattle, feel free to leave a comment as I'm still waiting for the guy to have these babies with. J/K... kind of :)
During my sophomore year of college I came home for Christmas break, and on the first night of being home I had a horrible dream. I dreamt that someone was doing surgery on my stomach with a sharp knife and I was wide awake, but they couldn't hear me saying I could feel everything. I woke up terrified, and was like, oh good, that was just a dream. But as I layed in bed, I thought to myself... but the pain is REAL!! I couldn't move out of my bed and I was terrified I was dying! (I always go worst case scenario!)
I tried to yell out as loud as I could, "Mom!" but with my parent's door shut and the mass amounts of pain I was in I couldn't yell very loud and they couldn't hear me. I always have my cell next to my bed and lucky for me, that night was no different. I called my house phone but only heard it ringing in the kitchen. Dammit! They turned off the ringer in their bedroom. I called 4 times and on the 5th time, I decided if they didn't answer I would call 911 and the paramedics would wake them up!
My mom finally picked up the phone. It was 4 am, and she was like, "What's wrong?" I told her to come to my room, I was in pain. She kept saying, "Where are you? Why are you calling me?" I'm like, "In my room, get off the phone and come in here!!!" (Later, she explained in her sleepiness she assumed I had gone out and she thought she had to figure out where I was before she got off the phone. When she came in, I told her I couldn't yell loud due to the pain!)
Anyways, I told her something was wrong, and she tried to help me up to go to the hospital. I started to move and the pain got worse. I was like, "I can't move!" She told my dad to call the doctor. He went to the kitchen and was looking up the doctor's number, when we heard a crash.
My mom yells, "Steve? STEVE????" No response. She runs down the hall and sees my dad collapsed on the floor, blood rushing out of his head. Apparently, he had passed out and hit our french doors and bashed his head open. When he came to, he kept saying, "4612, 4612." My mom was like, "What?" Apparently, those were some of the doctor's number he had tried to dial.
Meanwhile, I can't see a thing down the hall, I'm leaning out of my bed, and saying, "Mom? Is he okay? What is going on?" My poor mom, overwhelmed, said, "Jessie, it's fine... stop yelling!" My mom got my dad a towel for his head, and decided it was time to call 911. Me she could maybe handle. My dad and I both down for the count was too much for her.
She called 911 and as always the firemen show up first. They saw my dad on the ground bleeding from the head and rushed towards him. My mom said, "Don't worry about him, he's fine!!" They gave her a look like, "Are you sure? That's a lot of blood!" My mom was like, "She's back here," and started down the hall. They were probably thinking, "What are we going to find back there if the guy bleeding is "okay"?" Haha.
They found me in my room and started to check my vitals. Me being the girl I am still noticed that one of these guys was pretty attractive. I remember talking to him about his sister going to the same school I was about to go to. I whispered to my mom when he left, "I don't have my glasses on, was he cute?" She was like, "What? You are supposed to be in pain, not trying to meet boys!" I was like, "You obviously don't know me very well! :)"
My dad and I both went to the hospital that night and were admitted to our separate rooms. He got bandaged up and I got to go through tests for kidney stones and ovarian cysts. I also got an IV from the moment I got there (as most do). At this time I was still new to my thyroid disorder and was not as used to needles as I am now. I freaked out. I started crying and begged them not to do an IV. But they had to, especially if I wanted any pain meds, which I did. They got the IV in and gave me some morphine. Life got a lot better after that! :)
I had a fun examination which I remember the doctor (a guy, and I had never had a guy doctor down there before) state before he began, "I'm touching you now." I still think that is weird, and maybe it was because he was an ER doc and not a gyno, so this was not common ground for him. :)
Anyways, the result was an ovarian cyst that ruptured. Since that time I have been on good ol' BC. I hope one day all will function well on it's own down there and I can successfully have babies. But for now, I have a good story, and my dad has a scar on his forehead to forever treasure the memory of this exciting night. :)
And if the cute fireman/paramedic who talked to me is still single and wants to live in Seattle, feel free to leave a comment as I'm still waiting for the guy to have these babies with. J/K... kind of :)
Monday, June 7, 2010
Story Tellin'
I'm going to start telling some of my stories on here... cause let's face it, I have been told my life could be a reality show... and maybe someone will read it and want to follow me around with a camera... Hopefully, that person gives me a big paycheck and a show, and doessn't just end up being a STALKER! :)
But seriously... here is my first story.
A couple summers ago I went with my parents to visit my aunt and uncle in Montana. They live in a small town. It didn't even have cell service. Now, it's not like I'm miss city girl being from Meridian, Idaho, but we had cell towers! And, I have lived in Seattle for eight years now, so I am not used to small towns anymore (at least this small). Anyways, not complaining, just setting up the scene for how "out of my element" I was.
But seriously... here is my first story.
A couple summers ago I went with my parents to visit my aunt and uncle in Montana. They live in a small town. It didn't even have cell service. Now, it's not like I'm miss city girl being from Meridian, Idaho, but we had cell towers! And, I have lived in Seattle for eight years now, so I am not used to small towns anymore (at least this small). Anyways, not complaining, just setting up the scene for how "out of my element" I was.
My mom kept saying how she wanted to see a bear. I thought she was kidding, until she said it repeatedly, and then I finally asked my uncle, "Do you see bears around here?" Yes, he told me. What? From that moment on, I was terrified to leave the house. BEARS??? There was a bear scare one night during the summer I lived in McCall, and let me tell you I did not leave my cabin from dusk till dawn, literally! And in the morning when I did leave the cabin, I looked every which way to make sure no bears would be sneakin up on me!
So, the fam forced me out of the house and one day we went hiking and it was beautiful. No bears were seen on the hike. Thank God! After the hike, we were all driving back to my uncle's house in my grandpa's van; me, the 'rents, my uncle and grandparents. It was a long trip, and being an only child and having no one my age to talk to, I did the only thing I could think of, and took a nap! Soundly sleeping enjoying the ride, when all of a sudden I am shocked awake to these words...
"A BEAR!! A BEAR!!"
I bolt up and say the only words, I am thinking, "Shut the fuck up!!!" I don't know about your families, but swearing in my house is about the same as fornicating on the kitchen table. So, at that moment, the car goes silent, and my mom, says, "Jessie!!!! I can't believe you said that!" Well, seriously, who wakes up from a dead sleep to the words, "BEAR" calmly? No one I know! So, there we are pulled over, admiring the bear, while my mom continues to yell at her 25 year old daughter about how disappointed she is that I said the F word. I finally said, "Look mom, I got scared, that's what I said, and it is not a reflection on how you raised me!!" Somehow, everyone else managed to conjure up a laugh and realize I was just a bit freaked out!
So, now I can say I've seen a bear and have sworn like a sailor in front of my entire family. Not a big deal to most, but in my home, it's pretty much up there with the worst things I could do.
Here are some pics from better times on the trip. My uncle is a hunter, so the whole trip was just a whole new experience for me. I'd much rather be at Nordstrom than the woods, so we have a lot in common! :) I love my aunt and uncle so much, though. I love that they are different from me, and because we are family they still have to hang out with me and accept me and all our differences.
At the top of the mountain, right before we saw the infamous bear!
Still can't believe we crossed this!!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Is 26 too old to go on a mini-vacay with the parents?
I don't think so! We went to Port Angeles this weekend. It rained, rained, rained. We had an amazing dinner in town. Saw the Juan de Fuca Festival (sounds so much more impressive than it was... think one row of food and one row of "specialty items" at the Puyallup or Western Idaho Fair...for all you readers who can't reference either, sorry!) My parents did get a marshmallow/hot dog stick which was made out of a fork sodered onto an old golf club. Cute idea, but other than that, there was nothing worth purchasing. :)
The town (along with Forks, which we also hit up), have really tried to capitalize on Twilight taking place in their town. Entire stores are dedicated to Twilight... it's pretty funny. Don't get me wrong, I love Twilight (Team Edward!), but only the book happens in these places, none of the movies are filmed there! That's the kind of stuff I want to see.
We went to the Rainforest, and hiked along the Trail of Mosses. Hopefully my pictures will show how mossy the trees really are. It was pretty amazing. The whole trip was great. I'm pretty lucky to have great parents I actually want to hang out with! We may fight and have our moments, but we have fun together! Thanks mom and Steve for a great mini vacay!
On the Ferry!
Liberty Bell Replica in Port Angeles
At the Rainforest
Under a Tree
My Cute Parents
The town (along with Forks, which we also hit up), have really tried to capitalize on Twilight taking place in their town. Entire stores are dedicated to Twilight... it's pretty funny. Don't get me wrong, I love Twilight (Team Edward!), but only the book happens in these places, none of the movies are filmed there! That's the kind of stuff I want to see.
We went to the Rainforest, and hiked along the Trail of Mosses. Hopefully my pictures will show how mossy the trees really are. It was pretty amazing. The whole trip was great. I'm pretty lucky to have great parents I actually want to hang out with! We may fight and have our moments, but we have fun together! Thanks mom and Steve for a great mini vacay!
On the Ferry!
Liberty Bell Replica in Port Angeles
At the Rainforest
Under a Tree
My Cute Parents
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