Theme Song 2010

I always like to start out the new year with a theme song. This is it for now...

Jessie James - I Look So Good (without You)

Mhh yeah boy

I would have thought that,
when you left me I'd be broken,
with my confidence gone, so gone.
Hey boy I would have thought that
when you said that you don't want me
I'd feel ugly as if something was wrong
standin' in front of the mirror
my skins never been clearer
my smiles never been whiter

(chorus:)
I look so good without you
Got me a new hair do
Lookin' fresh and brand new
since you said that we we're through
done with your lies
baby now my tears dry
you can see my brown eyes
ever since you said goodbye
I look so good
I look so good without you
I look so good
I look so good without you

Hey I never would have thought that
when you left me
I'd feel sexy and so good in my skin again
and I never would have known that
I'd be dreaming so much better
without you in my head
standin' in front of the mirror
my clothes never fit better
my laughs never been louder

(repeat chorus)

I look so good
I look so good without you
I look so good I look so good without you

Now baby my body's lookin' better than before
ain't biting my nails since you walked out of that door
I realize now I deserve so much more
than what you give
than what you give
than what you give ohhhh

(repeat chorus)

Biggest Loser

Biggest Loser starts today! Three months of working my ass off here I come! My goal is to lose 50 pounds. I know that may not happen in three months, but I am not going to let myself quit until I am there. It sounds like a lot, but wow how the weight has just crept up on me! I already had a great workout tonight. I am going to do lots of running, so I hope my back keeps up! I hurt my back in Europe playing soccer (or football, haha), and now I get pain sporadically in my ciadic nerve. (I don't know if that is how you spell it but the pain starts at my tailbone and goes all the way down my leg.) It's not the kind of pain you run through, which I learned the hard way the first time around in Europe. Anyways... this is all part of my building a better me plan, so here I go. I will have to take a before pic, but I am not super excited about that!

What's the Deal?

I really have the worst taste when it comes to men. Although, since I have sworn off of them for a year, instead of thinking about who I am attracted to, I started to think about why I was attracted to him. (The him is somewhat hypothetical, but I was recently reminded of a previous crush and as I started to think about how much I used to like him, I was like, wow, if he was here right now, I would probably tell him how I felt...luckily he is not.) So, anyways, why am I attracted to these guys? It's like the badder the better, the more troubled, the sexier. I know good girls like bad boys, but do you see the problem? Boys and girls... I need a MAN. I just don't know what draws me to them and why I just get so sucked in. I crave them wanting me back. Healthy? I think not. I know it is good that I am aware of this, but now I have to work on changing it. I am sure this will come up in therapy, but I just had to vent b/c I just don't really know where these feelings come from. For now, though, I will keep my fantasies to unattainable men such as the hottie below... Enjoy... I know I will :)

Building a better me...

So... I am reading this book per my therapists request called "Codependent No More." I highly recommend it if you tend to live life controlling others and not really taking care of your own problems. Wow... I started out reading this book and was like, I relate to this a little, but not a ton. Well that was before chapter seven. I am so textbook. I am controlling, a perfectionist, I have a bad self image... all of these are traits of codependency. It's nice to know I'm not crazy and that there is help and hope for me! I really want to be healthy, well, healthier than I was yesterday, striving for a better tomorrow. I hope I don't annoy people with my crazy new way of thinking, but I really want to start thinking better so I can be a better me... isn't that what life is about anyway?

At least I don't look like that...

So, in my quest to get fit I have been hitting the gym. My mom got me some new work out clothes for Christmas and I was so excited to wear them. I did not try them on before I left the house and just headed to the gym with them in my bag. I put on the pants which fit great, then I put on the running shirt which was fitted and super tight over the belly (which is part of the reason I am at the gym). I swear I don't see any cellulite when I look at my stomach in the mirror, but in this shirt it was cellulite city! I was like oh man, well I can't just go, because clearly I need to be here! So, off I went cellulite tummy and all and ran, lifted weights and had a good workout.

Last night, I picked out my outfit for today, knowing my other new pants were similar, so I just need a loose shirt. I get to the gym so grateful I will not be sickin' anyone out today, and what happens, I see that my pants are not the same, they are "fitted". Well, I learn that means pretty much skin tight lycra fabric. Now, I may not admit to cellulite on the belly, but I am not gonna deny I got a little extra junk in the trunk (the other reason I am at the gym daily). So, there I am in my loose shirt with my skin tight pants baring my cellulite to the world. Once again, I think, well, clearly I need to be here so let's get this over with. I hit the elliptical, do some squats and and abs (as clearly those are the problem areas), and get my workout on. I figure at least someone can look at me and either think... well, at least I don't look like that, or they can say, well if she's doing, so can I!

Tonight, when I pack for the gym I will be grabbing my trusty sweats and baggy t-shirt. I guess real work out clothes are only for the people who are actually in shape... not just trying to get there! :)

Happy New Year!!

So, this year I am going to.... Get in shape. Eat healthy. Take a year long break from men. Start therapy on Monday. Make a lot more cards. Get more involved at church. Spend more time with my girlfriends. Pay off as much debt as possible. Start that little thing called a savings account. Learn to be a better me. Wish me luck!