Inspired by the Duggars

So, most people probably consider this family "crazy" for having 19 kids (and counting!), but I have watched the show from the beginning and find many things about them inspiring.  Before you consider me crazy, let me explain. :)

First off: faith.  This family lives and breathes their faith.  They are committed to serving the Lord and others. They are genuinely kind to their siblings and all those around them.  They live to be content just where they are in life.  Secondly: Family - obviously they care about family and put them first in their life.  They do not believe in birth control (obviously!), but their reasoning behind it is solid and they are fully capable of financially and emotionally caring for all these children.  Which brings me to point three: finances.  They have no debt.  They are very thrifty and truly believe in being able to support themselves without depending on the government or anyone else.  And most importantly, I have never seen them judge anyone for not living life as they choose to. (Example: their cousin doesn't go to their church and wears jeans, but is still equally accepted and supported in their family.)  This is the most important example they set because a lot of Christians tend to be very judgmental, and hurt more than help others and I have yet to see this family do this.

The point of this post is the episode I was watching the other night.  The older girls were discussing courting and getting married and if they wanted to be married.  Jill said the best thing I have heard in awhile.  (Yes, I watch it enough to know their names - at least the girls :)  She said it is important to be content in your current place in life, or you will never be content in a marriage.  Always seeking the "next thing" will never make you happy.  I am so bad at this.  I couldn't wait to be done with school.  Now, I am and I want a new job.  I want to be married because I don't like being single.  But I know marriage is not perfect and I should enjoy being single and childless and appreciate the random naps I get to take and the fact that I can have cereal for dinner if I want b/c I don't have to cook for anyone else.  So, my goal right now is to learn how to be content right now.  I will continue to look for a new job, but I really want to focus on just being happy with my day to day life as it is.  This means doing things that make me happy each day.  If my apartment is a mess - clean it up!  If I don't feel happy with my body - go work out.  If I'm lonely - call a friend!  Don't just lay here depressed thinking about all the things I wish I had.  And, I really want to work on having a good prayer life.  I think this is one of the most important things because how else do you talk to God?  So, that is how the Duggars inspired me this week.  You may love them, hate them, or think they or nuts... but to me, they are an inspiration and I am so glad they share their life and morals with the world each week. :)

Girlfriends :)

I think one of the most amazing things God has given us in this life is good girl friends.  (If you are a girl... the reverse for guys.)  You know the kind of friends where no topic is off limits, no laugh is too loud or too long, and the kind you can pick up with right where you left off everytime you see them.  I have been blessed with some of the most amazing girlfriends.  Some live in Boise, some live in Seattle...all are equally amazing and loved by yours truly. :) 

This past trip back to Boise, I got to get together with a group of girls I went to high school with.  I was acquaintances with one, friends with another, and best friends with the third (except for a falling out Junior year, but luckily she forgave me for being a bad friend... I claim being young and ignorant and thinking I knew it all, when really I knew nothing... and am so grateful for her forgiveness when I made the decision to pursue "partying" over true friendship... like I said... what did I know???)  Anyways, the point is we weren't always great friends.  But, now I cannot imagine life without these girls!  They are all such amazing women and I have loved watching them become wives and mothers and hope to one day be part of that club too!

We all went to Flatbread in Meridian... and stayed way passed closing (outside... trying not to wake the town of Meridian with our laughter!)  In fact one husband thought his wife was surely going to turn up in a hospital that night!  (The other hubbies knew that if you hang out with this group of girls... we will talk your ear off all night :)  It was so much fun!  Seriously made me want to move back to Boise and just hang out with these girls all the time!  (Although... with life that is not always the reality, so I will take my time when I can get it!)

These are some of my favorites who live in Boise... seriously... if you don't know these girls - get to!  They are some of the best people I know!  Also, I encourage all of you to invest in your relationships with other girls... you won't regret it!  I only had guy friends for awhile in high school b/c girls were "too catty/jealous".  No... I just didn't realize how great they were! :)  Good friends are the best thing I could ever ask for!  (Besides family... but they kind of have to love you :)

Stand Up Paddle Boarding

I have been wanting to try this for awhile now, so I excitedly purchased the groupon when I saw it!  My friend Natalie and I went at Juanita Beach in Kirkland.  It is the perfect place to go b/c it is not too deep and the water is really warm (because I don't know how all those celebrities look so calm and peaceful doing this... but we fell off... a lot!)  It was a lot of fun, but I feel like I've been hit by a bus today!  All that falling did a number on me! :)  I hurt my ribs when I fell forward one time!  Here is a pic of Kate Hudson falling (because really... I was not going to have anyone photograph my first time!)  I looked a lot less graceful, and am putting this pic on b/c she looks a lot like I did.  Also, she did what I did in the end after having enough of falling! :)

 It really was fun though, and I would do it again... maybe in Hawaii though. :)

I call it sit paddle boarding... after an hour an a half of standing and paddling... this was a nice break :)

Depression

This little beast has reared it's ugly head again.  I was doing fine.  Finishing up school, looking forward to having time to hang out with friends, work out, not have to move, etc.  And then this morning hit.  I couldn't get out of bed.  I went to bed at 9 last night, slept fine, so I should have been ready to go no problem.  But I couldn't.  I know my problems are not as bad as anyone else.  I have perspective, but when you hurt, you hurt.

I'm not gonna lie.  I want to get married.  I want to have kids and a family.  I really thought I had met the guy I was going to get to do this all with.  And giving up that reality has been the hardest thing I have had to do.  I know it's over, but I still want to get married.  I want to fall in love.  I have all the other things I wanted to do.  I finished school.  I lived the single life.  Now, I'm ready.  I just want the guy who wants to have all this too, and most importantly wants to have this with me.

This is one of the hardest things I've had to write.  Admitting this is hard.  But, by being honest I can process this.  I think it bothers me b/c I don't even know where to meet anyone.  I don't really go out anymore b/c I'm so over the party scene.  I want to marry someone with similar beliefs as myself.  I am terrified of online dating... just creeps me out (nothing against it for others, it's just a personal thing... I've looked into it and it makes me creeped out every time!).  So, what do I do?  I don't want to sound desperate or act desperate.  I'm not.  I just want to be in love.  I don't think that's too much to ask. I don't know what to do to make that happen.  My last relationship was perfect b/c I wasn't looking and it just fell into my lap.  Can I be so lucky to have that happen again?  This time hopefully with the right guy?

I just want to be able to wake up everyday and not think the bed and sleep is better than real life.  I am totally sounding like one of those "depression hurts" commercials... it sucks!

Change of Plans

So, I hate writing about this because the whole thing breaks my heart, but I need to get it out.  My boyfriend and I broke up.  There are so many factors involved, some too personal to mention here, some just same as everything else... we weren't ready.  That's the struggle with long distance.  One of you has to move and when it starts to happen are you ready?  To give up everything?  To change it all?  We weren't... so here I am...
I had it all planned out.  Move to Boise at the end of June and move in with him.  Now I don't know what to do.  Do I stay here?  Do I move anyways and move in with my parents temporarily and pay off some debt?  My school loans are going to come due soon and I have had a little too much fun with some plastic so that thought is appealing.  But, when it comes down to it, do I want to move to Boise?
I have some great friends there and know I would make more.  I have some great friends here. I like the weather in Boise.  I like the summers in Seattle.  I have a job here... I can probably get a job in Boise.  I am not paying off any debt here, just making minimum payments.  I could pay off debt there.  I live alone and love it... I'd live with the rents again temporarily... could I handle it?  Do I want to rent a room in my childhood home?  That feels like such a step backward and it's not just a pride issue, that may really start to depress me.  I have a good Dr. in Boise for my thyroid issues... I could probably find one here.  This is my life.  I go back and forth everyday.  Not to mention I lost my best friend who I used to talk to this all about.  (I hate that about a break up.)  I thought I had it all figured out... now I'm more confused than ever.  So, help!  Any feedback would be great.  I'm so torn, which really helps me realize I was moving just for a guy.  Which is fine, except that the what ifs were killing me.  And, had this happened when I was already there, I would be really upset.  But I digress... should I stay or should I go?????

SkyDiving!!!

I went skydiving for my boyfriend's 29th birthday!  It was crazy!!!  I can't even say fun, because I was terrified.  He loved it!  I wish I could upload the video, and if I figure out how, I sure will.  The best part was when the chute opened. :)  Ryan loved it though and said it was the best present ever!  Yay!  At the end of the day that's all that matters. :)

 Here I am!

Here is both of us... Ryan is the blue parachute... I am the yellow and red!

So cool! 

We survived!!!  Thank God!! :)

Seattle with my favorites

My boyfriend and his son came to visit me in Seattle.  Yay!  We went to lots of fun places and touring Seattle is so much more fun with a 6 year old.  

The infamous gum wall...Kayden was a little grossed out by this. :)

The Space Needle

Cutest kid ever with the best taste in clothes and hair! :)

Love these boys! 

I love this city... but I'm happy to come to Boise to be with my two favorites permanently! :)  Just gotta finish up school.... hurry up June!