Do you ever feel like everyone else is living the life you always dreamed of, and you are just stuck on the sidelines watching? That is how I feel today. I try really hard not to be envious of anyone else's life because when you get to know them, they have their struggles just like the rest of us. But, another one of my close friends just announced she is having a baby. I had a couple friends have kids right out of high school and because of it we sort of lost touch. It is so hard to be on the same page when you are partying it up in college and they are at home changing diapers. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against having a baby right after high school, and I am so happy for all my friends who did, it's just that I was not there yet, so I could not relate to even wanting a child.
Well, I can relate now. But since I am not about to be getting knocked up by some random guy, my chances of having a baby right now are non exsistant. And, I don't even necessarily want the baby. I just want the whole picture: a husband, a dog (or cat, or both) and a baby on the way.
I just read this great book "Swapping Lives" and it is about a single 35 year old successful business woman who switches places (literally) with a mother of two, who is a stay at home mom. While it was a great story and I learned the grass is not always greener, it still makes me sad to not have the prospect of having the husband and the child. Don't get me wrong. I love my life. I love my family, my friends, my cat, my job, my apartment, and even the new changes I am making. It is just hard sometimes to see so many people at the place I had hoped to be at right now.
I honestly believe that God does have a plan for my life, and he will bring that perfect man to me at the perfect time. I don't want to have a boyfriend right now because I am working so hard to better myself. I literraly can't afford to not be selfish, so it is a good thing I don't have one. But, it is hard to be single in what feels like a "couples world". Although, when I think about all that I have, I have to remember the grass is pretty damn green on my side too. It's just not fertilized with spit up. :)
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3 comments:
I sort of know how you feel. I think wow I'm 25 and I still feel like I'm stuck in 16 because I always thought at 25 I would have a wonderful marriage and kids but here I am going through menopause and no kids, and more days then not my husband makes me mad, so in a way I get it. This is never how I thought my life would be, but I have to trust that it's all in God's time not mine. It sounds silly but it's hard to trust that God knows best and will take care of things, but I know he will. I wish you the best of luck, keep your spirits high and things will be positive!
I think that's a healthy attitude- I think "when I think about all that I have, I have to remember the grass is pretty damn green on my side too. It's just not fertilized with spit up" is a good call. That's the funny thing about sex or having kids- technically you could just get what you want, but it'd be better to get the whole package (the spouse, the dog, the family life plus those other things). I relate with you about seeing others where, 5-10 years ago, I envisioned myself now. It's sort of a strange neverland- that contradiction between my day to day waking reality/near-future likelihoods (e.g. no spouse or kids foreseeable in the next number of months at least) and the kind of life I pictured myself having at this point.
Thanks for sharing!
I've come to the realization that no matter what side of the grass you're on the other side always tends to look greener. What's that saying about if someone else's grass looks greener it just means they have a lot more shit to fertilize it! Good job on the weight loss by the way! What is this biggest loser thing you are doing? Is it through your gym? And I live in LA so about when are you coming down here? I want to hang out with your skinny ass when you're here!
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