I DON'T WANNA GO!!!!!!!!!

Yes... I am throwing a tantrum. I have to go to a therapy session next weekend with my mom and counselor. As I said before I don't wanna go!!! So much crappy stuff happened during the years 11-15 I just don't want to talk about it! I mean I know it will be good growth and blah blah blah. It will probably even explain part of WHY I have such issues with men, but I don't want to do it! Can't I just bottle it up and shove it back down like I have been? I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings... I don't want to cry in front of her or tell her how much some of it hurt me. I just think it sounds torturous! I am so anxious about this, I have been having heart palpitations all day! And, to any of you out there who struggle with anxiety, I am sorry! I will take a week of depression over this out of control feeling like you want to crawl out of your skin. As you can see I am freaking out and the appointment is not even till Saturday! But, luckily, I have a session tomorrow alone with the counselor so hopefully she can help me find my way back to a sense of normalcy. Well, I am going to take some sleeping pills and go to bed... and hopefully sleep my troubles away... And, before anyone starts to call me and then 911, don't worry, it's not real sleeping pills, just Benadryl...and I only take a couple.