Life or something like it...: 2013

Monday, December 30, 2013

New Year's Resolutions

As I get older, I hardly ever do these as I have learned they never turn out and can make you feel like a failure. However, this year I have a few good ones I want to write down and hold myself accountable.

1. Be confident - this is always something I have struggled in. It goes along with loving myself unconditionally, which I also struggle with. I am going to work on this each day and little by little hopefully what I tell myself each day will become true as internal thoughts instead of just words being said at me.

2. Excel at work - I tend to do a lot of things "good enough". I want to do really well at work this year because if I do, I can pay off most of, if not all, of my debt which would be huge for me! Also, I think working hard would really help me feel better about myself in general because it's always nice when you are being successful at work.

3. Figure out the reasons I struggle with being so lazy. Whether it is depression, working too many hours, not getting enough sleep, I want to get to the bottom of it so I can be healthy all the way around. Laying around all weekend is okay once in awhile but each weekend! Not okay! I want to enjoy life - right now I am just living.

So cheers to 2014! I hope it brings you all your hopes and desires! :)

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Control Freak

So I have been thinking A LOT lately about goals and what I want to do with my life. Maybe this happens to others when they turn 30, I don't know. I like my job for right now. The only thing that is tough are the hours. I work a lot! And I don't love that. I think I want to be an esthetician (sp?). I love skin and skin care. However, this goal cannot be accomplished until a lot of things happen.

First off - my debt. I hate that I have it, but it's true. This is a huge reason I took this job. I should be able to pay off my debt soon. I will have school debt till I die, but that is okay. Haha - not really, but it feels that way! Credit cards were my best friend in college. Eww. I hate that it was true. And worse post college when my parents stopped supporting me and I found out what the real world really was! I was never taught good spending habits or the way to save money. My savings account would give most people a heart attack as I am proud when there is an extra $200-300 in there. Eek! This is embarrassing to admit but admission is the first steps to recovery! :) The main reason I have this job is to reach this goal. Your prayers would be appreciated. :) (I hope people can read my sarcasm in all this b/c I like to laugh about these things as it helps me deal!)

Step two - why I want to be an esthetician. Flexible hours and minimal school. This will be the perfect job for me when I have kids and a family. Oh but wait - step two is getting the kids and the family. Which brings me to the whole point of this post - control freak. I cannot control when / if I will get married or when / if I will have children. (Well I can sort of control the having kids part, but I want to have a family, not just the kid part. Single moms are great - I know - I was raised by one, but I really want to be married as well.) All that to say that I have realized that is the part that bothers me the most! I cannot control when I will meet someone. I have to let it happen all on it's own. I don't know why it has taken me this long to realize that is my issue with the whole thing. And, when I do meet someone, I can't control if he will feel the same way about me. I just have to relax and get to know him as a friend and then see where it goes.

I am not bothered that I don't have a boyfriend / husband, but it bugs me I can't just wake up tomorrow and say poof here he is! I never realized what a control freak I am before! And what an unattractive quality. I just need to relax (easier said than done - ha!), and know that it will happen if it should, but if it doesn't it's not my fault. This really is not something I can control unless I want to wind up on the news! (And I don't - well unless it's for something super amazing no one else has ever done that people are praising me for.)

I am a little embarrassed it took me this long to realize this is something I need to let go of. And not the idea and the hope, but this feeling that somehow I can make this happen. I really can't. As cheesy as it is I believe in fate, and two people being meant to be together and all that. Yes, you work on it - but it starts by these two people both saying okay this is someone I genuinely love and life would be far better with her /him than without him. So, those are my thoughts for today. Quite a revelation for me, but for others you probably figured this out years ago... which is why you are married. :) Haha

Monday, November 11, 2013

Idaho

So, I just started dating this guy and all was going well until he said something last night that is still on my mind. I will talk to him about it later, but for now I am just gonna put it all out there. In context, we were having an honest conversation of fears of a relationship, if we like each other and want to continue dating, all that fun stuff. He said one of his fears about me was that I grew up in Idaho and he had met a lot of people from there who were missing some important things. When I asked what they were missing his reply was ethics and morals. WHAT??!!??

Okay, I'll admit I wasn't always a good girl. I went to church all my life, but junior and senior year I explored the not so "Christian" world of drinking and parties. Did it corrupt me? No. Do I lack morals and ethical values? Absolutely not! And, no one I still know and love who lives there is like this at all. I feel like he made a very gross generalization, and I am honestly quite offended by it. First of all, now I feel like I have to prove I'm different, and I shouldn't have to prove anything to anyone. I just want to be who I am. Second of all, I am the first to admit I ran from Idaho and tried to leave a lot of pain behind when I did. But a lot of it was teenage stuff - fighting with my mom, being "bored" b/c there was "nothing to do in Idaho" (I've since learned that is so NOT true!), and in general just wanting to be in a bigger city. The 19 year old version of myself wanted to get out and explore, but not because I was morally void, but because I wanted to see what else was out there.

My family still lives there and so do some of my favorite people ever. I honestly want to find someone who would be open to moving back there one day so I could be close to my family again. I don't think I would ever judge someone because of where they came from. I may make assumptions, but I try to give people a chance to show me who they are before I decide, they are where they came from. Am I crazy to be bothered by this? Are my "momma-bird" instincts coming up because Idaho is like that little sibling only you are allowed to make fun of but if anyone else does you will kick their ass? :) That may more of it than anything, but I don't know. It just bugs me... and I wish he wouldn't have said it...

Sunday, October 20, 2013

VEGAS!!

This year was my 30th birthday!! I wanted to do something fun with my girlfriends, mainly so I could forget the fact that I'm 30! :) Really, though, it's not so bad. We went to Vegas. My goal was to literally lay out the entire time and go out at night. But with 3 other girls, that wasn't their vision. :) Some wanted to walk the strip and see other things - I could have stayed the whole time in our hotel. (Mandalay Bay and we upgraded to a suite at THE hotel.) It had everything! 3 pools, a lazy river, a sandy beach, a spa, multiple restaurants, shopping galore, seriously, I could have stayed there the whole time and been happy.

So, I did get a migraine the first day which went to the second and I finally had a prescription sent to the CVS on the strip. (In my fantasy trip - this would have been my only trip out!:) Our suite had an amazing tub and that night the girls were also tired so I got a bath ball at Lush (amazing store - check it out if you haven't been), and soothed all my troubles away - while watching Seinfeld b/c yes the bathroom had a TV. That was my favorite night b/c we all relaxed and my friends got to chat with their hubby's and kids and I was just so thankful for my friends and where I am in life right now.

It's taken me a long time to be okay with being single. Yes, I want a boyfriend, and eventually a husband, blah blah blah, but I am happy with who I am and where I am right now. I didn't feel good this weekend and I got to come home and sleep on Friday and not have to worry about anything but myself. I have learned how important it is to appreciate each season of life. And right now, I am dating some, but truthfully, I am just working hard and accomplishing some things that are important to me (paying off debt, getting in shape -sort of - that's a tough one / constant struggle for me, but I am still working on it, and investing in my friendships). Anyways, I literally dreaded the last few years as it put me closer to 30, but now that it's here, I don't know what I was so scared of because I love where I am right now! :) Here are some fun Vegas pics!

Shakira and I by the pool - I was hoping to leave her color :) - it didn't happen :)

Paradise - one of the 3 pools at Mandalay Bay

All dressed up for my bday!!!

Out and about on the strip - this is Little Trinity - she has her own facebook page. :) Also, for those who don't know me I love animals. All animals - especially ones that are exciting to hold like this one and snakes - I love snakes. Only the big ones though, not garter snakes and nothing that can poison me... so maybe I don't love ALL animals :) But I love this one.

After drinking almost this whole slushy (yes it had alcohol), I thought it would be funny to share with this stone dog. I realize it's not so funny anymore :)

All dressed up for our last night in Vegas at Hakkasan.

Which looks a lot like the symbol for Kardashian Kollection... wonder if they are involved?? Kris Jenner is trying to take over the world...

Natalie and I all dolled up

Shakira and I all ready to dance!

Kate and I all ready to go! :)

Dancing with my girls!! Wooh!!!

And my Friday night delight - haha not the most traditional Vegas Friday night, but I loved every second of it!

Adult Acne

Ugh. That's all I have to say about this. I never really had skin issues growing up. In sixth grade I had a few pimples on my forehead so I grew out my bangs got some Clearasil and problem solved. Yes, I've had pimples here and there, but over the last couple years my skin has gone from occasional break out to straight up acne. And it is humiliating. Doesn't God know I'm trying to find a man here? I told my mom I was going to start courting (instead of dating - watch 19 Kids and Counting if you don't know about it). They don't kiss till their wedding day and have to keep a good distance away. I look fine with makeup on, but when you get up close you can see it, so my thought was if he waited to kiss me till the wedding day he'd be stuck and there would be no turning back when he saw the true me.

This is how crazy I have become. I have tried it all. Proactive, dermatologist crap, retin A, anything minus a pill you take because that scares me and I have had some friends have struggles with that. Currently, I am going to the esthetician monthly and getting facials and she gave me some products. This worked for my mom's friend, and I am hoping it works for me. I am still waiting, but hoping it is like working out and results aren't overnight. I've been taking pictures to see if there is a difference.

So, why does this matter. I know it is superficial to want clear skin, but I still want it. All this confidence I had in myself is dwindling. I have a job where I am meeting with CFO's and Controllers and I feel like I look 13 all over again. Which we all know was a super fun year.

I really have no resolution with this blog post which is why I hadn't posted it yet. I wanted to say, it took a few months, but it's all clear! I know it's hereditary, and I believe it will clear up, but this interim stage of that's my face?? Really?? Gross... is not the best place to be. It is helping me to be more understanding of others and their flaws and imperfections. Because trust me I wash my face and take good care of myself, but I feel like I look very "unclean" right now. :( I guess this is just life... or something like it. :) Haha how's that for an ending? :)

Answered Prayer

So I was talking to one of my most favorite people in the world the other day. She was my best friend in high school and I am so thankful we are still good friends to this day. She asked me if I had a time where I knew God had answered my prayer and I said, yes, which got me thinking of how amazing God has been in my life. I am not super Jesus-y on this blog, but my faith is very important to me and I think this is a cool story. :) If you don't want to indulge with me, feel free to stop reading now.

For those who don't know, I grew up in the suburbs of Milwaukee, WI with my mom. My dad left when I was 2 years old. The circumstances behind him leaving were messy and maybe for the best at the time, but I never stopped yearning for a dad. I kept a journal even from the young age of six. I love looking back at my cute writing and my sweet little innocent problems as well as my little crushes and just the sweet way I saw life. I also had a very real eye that life could be tough and painful since I knew the struggles of growing up with out a dad. I used to pray all the time that God would bring my dad back. I remember one journal entry where he was supposed to visit one summer and I had written, well journal, as you can see by the date, summer's over and he never came! (Apparently, my journal was also my friend or sibling since I was an only child!) :) I tried really hard not to be bothered by it and to say it's ok because I have a father in Heaven who loved me (words I know I had heard at church, because what kid talks like that?)

Anyways, I did see my dad when I was 11 for about 20 minutes in a park in Wisconsin. I guess he did tell my mom I could come visit him in Missouri, but that scared her so she said no. Then we moved all the way to Idaho. My mom met this (in my opinion random) guy at a conference in Colorado and fast forward through a 7 month long distance relationship and boom they got hitched and we landed in Meridian, Idaho half way through 7th grade. THE WORST. Why? Half way through any year is tough, but middle school was especially hard. Some of the curriculum was flip flopped so some stuff I had already done and some I missed some of the basics... all in all just tough.

But what was more of an adjustment was living with a man. I remember when we first got there and I was starving (I was 13 - when are teenagers not hungry?) and all he had was ketchup and pickles or some other random bachelor food. :) And, of course it was super late and nothing was open! I cried that night because I was so confused why "this" was my new life. Gone were the days of walking from my room to the bathroom naked because when it's just girls, who cares? Additionally, I never really learned how to respect a male. As horrible as that is to admit, it was not taught. "Men" were synonymous with the dad who left and couldn't be trusted - let alone respected. This lead to a lot of fights and learning to control my tongue and (years later in my late 20's counseling to realize why I lacked this natural respect towards the male species.)

As much as I learned to live with this new man, and he continued to love me, I did not really invest in him as much as I could have. We did finally find a common ground in basketball. I kept stats in high school with one of my good friends, and my dad was one of the JV coaches. Suddenly, he knew all of my friends and they all thought he was cool! (Go figure!) Through that we were able to talk about guys a little more and finally connect and I remember realizing, wow, I've never had a guys perspective like this before. But even as our relationship started to develop, I still was so excited to leave Idaho and start life on my own!

So, I ran out of Idaho as fast as I could come graduation day. I was off to Seattle, and was so thankful to be on my own. My first year of college was tough. I fell in love and when that relationship ended I was so devastated. I watched my roommate have this amazing relationship with her mom and I was so envious as my mom and I fought a lot still! By the end of freshman year I wanted to run away again. Then came Capernwray.

My cousin's parents wanted her to get out of Colorado (secretly I think they wanted her away from her boyfriend at the time) after she graduated high school. They found this Bible school abroad that a lot of students go to before they start college the following year. She said she'd do it if she didn't have to go alone. They asked if I wanted to go, and I of course said yes, since I was still in my "I need to escape mode." My mom had decided I wasn't much of a Christian (one of the reasons we were fighting so much - who was she to know me and what I thought?) and kept saying you know it's Bible school. And I said yes, but Bible school in Greece and England.... I'll take it! :)

It was an amazing time and I am so glad I went - but you are probably wondering why we have traveled through my life from ages 2 all the way to 20 now. Here's why. Father's day happened when I was over there. My cousin loves her dad and she was all excited to tell him happy father's day and talk to him. Which got me thinking. I would always say happy father's day to Steve but in the back of my mind think, well whatever, he's not really my dad. And that year it hit me.

See, what you don't know is the unconditional love Steve showed to me all the years I resisted it. He prayed for me. He called me all the time. He worried about me - oh man did he worry! (Part of it is he's a public defender, so he sees the worst of the worst and thinks all people may be like that and want to hurt his family!) He emailed me all the time when I was in school and Europe. Sometimes, he drove me nuts when I was in school and he would call so much, just to check in. He was a dad. He was my dad.

I wrote him this letter telling him how grateful I was that he became a father to me all those years back. I told him how I had prayed and prayed God would send my dad back and when that went unanswered I didn't even think to see that the prayer was answered just in a very different way. He married my mom, and got me as part of the package, but chose to say this is my daughter. He never had to do that. I couldn't believe it took me that long to realize that I did have the dad I always wanted - he just had a different name and a different heart than the one in my head.

What makes this story even better is that about a year ago I reached out to my biological dad. After a few emails back and forth, I stopped hearing from him. God knew that that was who I was praying for and saved me from years of heartache I could have had hoping for a dad that didn't want to be my dad. I am so grateful to call Steve Botimer my dad. And, I am so thankful he chooses to call me his daughter.

P.S. - I just realized I blogged about this before, but this had a whole new perspective with the answered prayer part. Again, sorry if you feel like you already heard about this! :)

Monday, August 26, 2013

Another Day... another date

I should start blogging about my dating life as it is quite entertaining. I think I may be too picky, but honestly, I know what I am looking for. Decent looking, wants a family, likes animals (I want a dog!), makes a decent living (don't need to be rich, but don't want you working at Mickey D's), and likes me. But, really, I am a blast so anyone would be crazy not to like me. (I am also really sarcastic!) :)

Anyways, I am pretty sure I always choose Mexican restaurants b/c if the date sucks, I at least get a good meal. Tonight was no different. The food was great. Chipotle salmon tacos! Yum. Now, if I am talking about the food this much, you know the date wasn't so hot. :) He was very nice. But, he talked a lot about his love of guns (literally 30 minutes about all the different kinds of guns) and how crazy his ex wife was. I mean, yes, I asked if he shared custody of his kid, but still. Also, his parents have custody of his kid and he sees him on the weekends. Am I crazy? Or is that strange? Let me know if I am being too picky.

I was telling someone recently that I was all excited to go out with a new friend of mine b/c her boyfriend was bringing some friends. Come to find out they are all 24 and their idea of a night out STARTS with 5 shots! Wow - I haven't drank like that since I was, well, probably 24! :) And, that was probably the last year I did it! Maybe 25, but it's been a long time since I got really drunk! I drink my glass or two of wine and am happy! No need for more and when I work out I try not to drink b/c I don't need the calories. All this to say, what am I doing wrong? Anything? Do I just keep dating in hopes for Mr. Right? Am I being too picky? I don't even know if anyone reads this, but feel free to comment! I am really not trying to complain at all. My standards may be too high! I am open to hearing that! :) It is true that I hate dating. I just want to get to that comfortable, hang out in your sweats stage and then every once and a while get dolled up and go out on real "dates" together. I hate the whole nervous, What should we talk about? Is he going to kiss me? I hope not, I don't want him to! craziness. Anyways, I'm off to bed. Just got a text - he wants to hang out again. We'll see... In other news, I have another date on Friday, so maybe I will just blog about my dating life! :) At least if it sucks, maybe it will be entertaining to others?? :)

What I look like on the outside :)

How I feel about dating on the inside :)

Color Run

My amazing fitness group "Buff Beauties" decided to do the color run in Boise this year. So fun! I have never done a "real" run where you get a number and everything! This was a great way to start out. I have to admit though, I had slacked a little before I went on working out. But, worse than that was the smoke from the fires nearby. I am pretty sure I have asthma because whenever I run I have to pay close attention to my breathing and take deep breaths or I can't keep going. Well my deep breaths weren't working in the smoke and I could hardly run a mile! Embarrassing! This happened to me with the smog in LA a few years ago and I was in really good shape back then! I didn't want to blame the smoke too much and seem like a whiner, though. Luckily, the ladies were okay to walk a bit. (Thank you!) Here are some pics. It was a blast and next time I am going to train better so I can run the whole thing. PS - if it reminds anyone of gay pride parade - well you are not alone! Definitely felt like we were part of a pride parade with all the colors and crazy outfits! (Not trying to be rude - just saying if you have ever seen a pride parade it looked a lot like this!)

Here we all are! Patty, Megan, Me, Brittany, and Kami

Megan, Kami, and Patty

Finished!! And all full of color!

Kami and Brittany - during the finale when we throw our packets and dance around.

Me - all full of color!

Here is the collage I made during my flight home - there was a lot of turbulence so I had to entertain myself so I could calm down (might have thought the plane was going down a few times!)

P.S. We are starting up with P90X again in September and I cannot wait. These women are so encouraging and it is such a great group to be a part of! If you want to join in let me know!

Monday, July 1, 2013

Vacation In my Hometown :)

I chose a great week to return home to Boise. It's about 105-110 degrees each day here. But I love it! I love the sun, and the heat. I don't really know why I live in rainy Seattle! Oh wait - my job... and some good friends. Ahh, I go back and forth all the time bc I have good friends here too! Anyways, we celebrated my dad's birthday with a BBQ with his friends. I only got one pic of the table but I have to point out the turkey burger without cheese I ate on a lettuce wrap! It was soo good and I didn't feel like I was deprived at all. Love eating healthy!!! :) Especially when it's hot! I feel way less disgusting.

Today we went stand up paddle boarding. My mom is so much fun and is down for anything. Here we are all ready to go. Remember when I went paddle boarding a couple summers ago? I fell off so many times and it just wasn't that much fun. This was so much better!! Neither of us fell off and the pond was so much calmer than lake Washington! I would highly recommend it! $20 bucks for the first hour. :) It's on the pond behind the clocktower apartments!

Welcome Summer!!! I will be enjoying you everyday I'm here!!!

Friday, May 31, 2013

Update

It's been awhile since I updated my blog. I have been busy working and working out! I did p90x with a great group of women over the past few months. Now I am starting Turbo Fire with those same ladies (and a few more!). I can't wait. This group has been such a blessing to me! I love these women and I have not even met most of them! Ahh life in the digital age. :) They are so supportive and there are very few people I would share my before photos with!

Not much else is going on for me. I am really excited for summer! I love summer! It's my favorite season and I am soooo excited it is finally here! I'll update more later :)

Saturday, April 6, 2013

So Much To Say

I used to write a lot more. I had so much to share. I still do, but life gets in the way. So here I sit. In the dark... listening to music. Writing. Love is such a confusing thing. I feel like I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger. I took guy's feelings for granted. I didn't learn how to forgive. To let things go. I would get mad and then end things. I would not care how the other person felt. If I didn't get what I wanted, I bailed... and found it somewhere else. Guys were my closest "friends" junior year in high school. This was the year I lost my group of friends and had to find new ones. But one girl in the "group" I was trying to get into didn't like me. Hearing those words "she can't go b/c so and so will be there and she doesn't like her", broke my heart. I already struggled with confidence. (What high schooler doesn't??) I wasn't good at sports (barely could play tennis). I couldn't sing. I couldn't dance. I felt fat, ugly, and all ALONE. I began to hate girls and their catty ways... and found solace in guys. Guys don't care if some girl doesn't like you. They just care if you are cute... at least in high school. I have carried this idea around with me for years. Oh, so and so won't like me b/c I'm not pretty enough, I'm not skinny enough, the list goes on.
In college, I learned to trust girls again. Slowly, but surely. But I left half way through my sophomore year for 6 months in Europe. The friendships I had slowly disappeared, and I came back to find myself all alone again. I had one real friend to speak of and she took a quarter off! So, again, I was all alone. Only, to discover boys again. While I have two good girl friends from college I still speak to, looking back so much of my time was wasted on boys. And, not even developing friendships. Usually, it was using them for someone to hang out with instead of being alone. Most of these guys liked me, and I knew it, but I didn't care about them the same way. They were somewhat disposable to me, and I am not proud of this.
Post college, I have searched for the "right guy". But, how can I expect the right guy to even be remotely into me when my opinion of men is so callous??? I know I am not the same person I was back then, but how different am I really? I keep thinking if I work out and get back into shape, I will find a great boyfriend. But I am not trying to get him to notice who I am but what I look like? As if that's all that matters? As if there is still nothing deeper to a guy than just having a hot girl on his arm? My feelings aren't any different about guys as they were ten years ago. And that needs to change. I need to see men as actual human beings with a heart and soul all their own. Not just someone who is lured in and out of a relationship by the next cute thing that walks by. So here I go. The work on my body has begun... now I just need to get my mind caught up too. I hope no one judges me for this...because I'm just being honest. And my goal in life is always to be better tomorrow than I am today...so here's hoping tomorrow I think a little different. :)

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

P90X

Just a quick post so that everyone who reads this can keep me in check! I am doing P90X again. This time with a great group of women who are from all over connected by the one thing we all love to hate: Facebook. I really don't hate Facebook but there are definitely things about it I do not like. Anyways... the point is let's do it! We start Friday... anyone who wants to join let me know!!! :) And yay to all the fellow bloggers who are doing this too! We are all going to be so cute come summer! :)

Friday, January 25, 2013

Liebster Award!

So... I got nominated for a Liebster Award by this amazing girl who's blog I read, and now consider a friend even though we've never met!... Thanks Kami! :) (www.steveandkami.blogspot.com) Check it out - this girl is awesome, and has the cutest family! :) I doubt my blog has even ten readers, but maybe I'll get 11 after this post! :)

The Rules:

Share 11 facts about myself

Answer 11 questions from the blogger that nominated you

Nominate 11 other bloggers for the award

Create 11 questions for nominees to answer

Link back to the person who nominated you - I don't know how to do that so I apologize!

11 Facts about me... hmm!

1. Anyone who reads my blog knows this, but I struggle with depression. It's an ongoing battle, but for the most part if I stay on my Celexa I'm good to go... but if you find me crying in a Walmart b/c my boyfriend took me out of his top ten on MySpace... just ask me if I've taken my pill lately... the answer is probably no! (Yes, this was a true story, that I know dates me b/c MySpace... does that even still exist??)

2. I value honesty. One of my favorite things my friend ever said to me is, "I knew I could talk to you about anything b/c when I first met you you told me, there's no such thing as TMI with me." SO TRUE. I will listen to your story. The good, the bad, the crazy. I will be honest with you if you are honest with me. I love getting to know people and I hate when people are fake... what's the point??? We only have one life to live, why live a lie?

3. I love animals - going to the zoo is one of my most favorite things to do!

4. I love wine almost as much as I love animals :)

5. I have this fantasy about getting all my best girlfriends (and their families) to move to one area of the country so we can all hang out all the time. I call it a fantasy b/c some of my most favorite people live in all different states... but wouldn't it be so fun! :) Let's all buy an island, okay?

6. I am dreading turning 30 not because of the age but because I really want to be married and start working on family - but so far I don't even have a boyfriend... and October will be here before you know it!

7. I am a Christian, but I don't go to church. I believe in God and that we are saved through grace and that grace came through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I REALLY struggle with organized religion. I don't like all the rules and all the ways they tell you you can and cannot live. To me, it is all about having a relationship with God. And, I have that. Period... I refuse to tell other people how they can and cannot live.

8. I hated high school. I am so glad life after high school is so much better than those 4 years. Yes, I have some good memories, but overall I felt like an insecure mess most of the time.

9. I love my new job. It is challenging and constantly pushes me to work hard each day, but I love it. No, it's not perfect and it has its hard times, but I am so thankful for where I am today.

10. I would give up my job in a heartbeat for a chance to be a stay at home mom. :)

11. I wish my family lived closer - all of them. Parents, cousins, aunts, uncles... I guess it is the only child in me always wanting more family! :)

11 Questions from the blogger that nominated me

1. What is your #1 thing that you splurge on? Face/skin products! I love having healthy skin and love trying new products on my face. If you tell me it will make my skin pretty - I'm pretty much sold!

2. What makes you the most happy? Hanging out with my best girlfriends and just laughing for hours!

3. What is something you wish you could learn? I would love to learn how to dance... I can dance as in "club dancing" but choreographed routines are hard for me and I would love to be able to dance!

4. What is your biggest regret? I really try hard not to regret things, just learn from them instead. But... since that is not a fair answer...I regret opening a couple credit cards in college b/c I am still paying for them today!

5. What is your biggest struggle? Body image/being confident when I am surrounded by skinny girls. I really struggle to feel like I am just as good as these girls. Losing weight is hard for me. I am learning (slowly but surely) how to be healthier and make the right choices for my body, but I have always wanted to be the naturally thin girl and it is hard for me to be in a room and not feel insecure. I will still be nice to everyone, but inside I am calling myself fat and ugly!

6. What are you really good at? Talking! Haha... I can talk to anyone about anything. I don't know if it's a talent, but it's the truth!

7. If you were a celebrity who would it be? Toss up between Taylor Swift and Kate Middleton. Taylor b/c I would love to be able to sing, play guitar and piano and be 5'11" :) Kate b/c, well, what girl doesn't want to be a princess for a day?

8. If you could have one do-over what would it be and what would you do? I would have started working out a lot more and eating healthier when I was younger - so those habits wouldn't be as hard to break today!

9. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Married and with at least one kid :)

10. On a scale of 1-5 how confident are you in yourself? 4, because although I struggle with how I look at times, I know who I am at heart. I am a good person who genuinely loves others, and I know that being kind to others beats out being just a skinny girl any day. :)

11. Name an experience that was life changing for you? Probably my trip to Europe with my cousin. It helped us become a lot closer. Also, it changed all my friends from college b/c I had to come back and make all new friends. One of my closest friends to this day, Marissa, well, we wouldn't have met if I wouldn't have taken this trip. I also know people all over the world now b/c of it too!

The nominees:

The Evan's Gang
News of the Nielsons
Our Family
The Sawyer Show
Anderson's
Tales from the Wild, Wild West...
The Cormell Family

11 questions for nominees to answer
1. What's your biggest pet peeve?
2. Who do you admire most in your life?
3. What are your goals for the next few years?
4. What do you fear the most?
5. What brings you the most joy in life?
6. What is your favorite memory?
7. What is your least favorite memory?
8. Do you prefer cookie dough or baked cookies?
9. What is your favorite TV show and why?
10. What would you do if you had enough money so you never had to work again?
11. What is your favorite place to vacation?

Wow... that took longer than I thought it would! :)

Sunday, January 20, 2013

San Diego Zoo

On our last day in San Diego, we went to one of my favorite places... the zoo! I love zoos! I love animals and love seeing them interact with one another. This was a great zoo and the only thing it was missing was penguins! Why no penguins San Diego??? They are my favs! Get some asap and then you will be perfect!

Flamingos - my favorite bird b/c they are pink of course!

Another view...

When we first got there we raced to see the new baby panda - it's only out for two hours a day. After a twenty minute wait... here it is! All curled up in that tree stump in the back right. See the white fluff? Yeah, we could hardly either! Baby's momma is happily eating away as baby sleeps... but I was a little disappointed. Oh well, I guess baby's need their sleep too!

I have loved tigers since I was a little kid - even did a report on Bengal tigers back in the day. I just think they are so beautiful - which is weird b/c I usually don't like orange, but these cats make it work!

I felt bad for this boar b/c he was so ugly. My mom's quote was "What was God thinking when he made this??" Haha... they were so ugly they were almost cute - like those ugliest dog contests with the hairless dogs...

My mom loves birds and especially eagles. I am so impressed by their size - and love the angles the San Diego zoo gives you with all the walkways so you are able to be closer to their level and really see them

These two were so cute - at first! I got a bunch of pics like this, and then they started fighting - they are probably siblings... so sweet one minute and fighting the next!

Can you spot the bear? We couldn't either! Until about 5 minutes of looking and I felt so silly bc it was right in front of our faces! (It's on top of the rock snoozin' if you still can't make it out!)

King of the jungle and lovin every minute of it

Gotta love the elephants!

So thankful this vulture spread his wings for me... made for a great shot!

Stinkiest camel I have ever seen/smelt. Poor guy - I could literally smell him for about 10 feet before and after!

At Tara's wedding my mom was sunning herself and said - I'm like those animals at the zoo that Braden (a friend of our family) and I see all the time. Well the animal is a meerkat and we were lucky enough to see one for comparison that next day!

Here is my beautiful mom and me... I am so bundled up in all these pics! I thought Cali would be warmer!!! :)

A Beachside Wedding

My cousin Tara got married this weekend to her prince charming, Dustin. It was such a fun wedding. She got married in Carlsbad which is just north of San Diego. It was a beautiful setting. I am so glad she found such a great guy like Dustin. I hope to meet my own prince charming one day, and that I can look as incredible as she did on her special day! She got Christian Louboutin shoes to wear, but walked barefoot in the sand... then stepped into the shoes. Still, I understand you can't waste your Louboutins! :) The pictures will tell the rest...